Tense shift, fragments, and comma splice--that's what some essays are made of.

Now that you've had a chance to get over the trauma of your first grade in English, after writing your first essays, I figured I should post some extra commentary that I hope you put to use for your next assignment.

I write a lot of commentary on these essays, and I truly hope you'll read them carefully and take the comments to heart. They are intended, not to punish you for what your current essay lacks, but to suggest how you can improve your writing technique for future essays (for both English and other courses, and life in general). The next one is due on October 28, and the time will go fast.

A lot of you in English 1080 are having problem with sentence structure, including comma splice, sentence fragment, and tense shift. Below, I've posted some suggestions about how to recognize these problems and how to fix them. I hope it helps.

First of all, I don't make these things up. Sentence fragment, tense shift, and comma splice are real words and have real consequences for your writing. You should have learned about them in high school English, but either no one showed you or the lesson just didn't take. Or maybe in the time since you last wrote an essay, you forgot how to do it. That's all understandable, but what can we do about it?

First, you might notice that I used some abbreviations on your essays:

1. "T.S." means tense shift.
2. "C.S." means comma splice.
3. "S.F." means sentence fragment.

Here's what those terms mean:

1. Tense shift just means that you're switching from speaking in the present voice to speaking in the past voice. You're using "was" when you should be using "is". You're ending words in an "-ed" suffix instead of ending them in "-es" or just "s". Just be consistent. Somtimes, it's fine to use past tense, but most of the time you should consistently use the present tense when talking about fiction, as if the action were happening right now as you read it.

So if you said something like "Elisa worked in her garden most of the time," it should read: "Elisa works in her garden most of the time."

2. Comma splice means that you're joining (i.e. "splicing") together two sentences using a humble comma. The comma wasn't intended for such heavy labor. It's like using a screwdriver as a chisel. You can do it, but eventually there will be breakage. Your sentences get too long and, usually, tough to follow.

Here's how to recognize a comma splice: read what you've written on both sides of the comma; if both sides read like a complete sentence, then you've used a comma splice, which is a major grammatical error, not to mention confusing. See, a comma tells you to pause. But periods, for the sake of clarity, require you to stop. (See what I mean there in that last sentence?)
So how do you fix a comma splice, supposing you should see one?

1. Use a period and make two separate sentences.

2. Or use a semi-colon, which is designed to join/separate two complete sentences that are related to each other in thought/theme.

3. Or use a co-ordinating conjunction (e.g. “but,” “however,” “and,” “because,” and so on) and (sometimes) use a comma with it. That's probably the easiest and most common fix. You'll have to get used to recognizing comma splices in your sentences.

That's the only way to eradicate the problem from your writing: practice. After a while, it will become natural. I've seen it happen for thousands of students in a matter of weeks and it can happen for you. Depends on how bad you want it.

Here's an example of a comma splice:

Comma Splice: Henry leans over the fence, he startles his wife.

Fix: Henry leans over the fence. He startles his wife.
Fix: Henry leans over the fence; he startles his wife.
Fix: Henry leans over the fence, but he startles his wife.
Fix: Henry leans over the fence and startles his wife.
Fix: When Henry leans over the fence, he startles his wife.


3. Sentence Fragment just means that what you've said (and obviously think is a full sentence because it starts with a capital letter and ends in a period after a string of seemingly meaningful words) is not a complete sentence. It's a fragment of a sentence, a mere piece of one: a pretend sentence in disguise, and it's up to you to start recognizing its covert behaviour. It shouldn't be hanging out with the other sentences because, well, it just isn't one and it should just solve the problem by BECOMING one. Their main offense is that they just don't make sense on their own, sort of like Nick Lachey. That's how you fix a sentence fragment: either make it a full sentence by itself OR join it to the preceding clause. That's right: if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Here's an example of a sentence fragment.

Sentence fragment: Arnold Friend, standing outside her door, asking if he can come in, which Connie refuses.

Looks, smells, sounds, and feels like a sentence, doesn't it? And yet, on closer look, it isn't quite complete. It needs something else, doesn't it? The sentence lacks context.

So the fix is in:

Arnold Friend is standing outside her door, asking if he can come in, which Connie refuses.

Or:

Arnold Friend stands outside her door, asking if he can come in, but Connie refuses.

See the difference a simple verb can make? I just added the word "is" or change “standing” to “stands” and now it all makes sense because we can (sort of) see them doing what we've implied they are doing. Fixing sentence fragments is usually just a matter of revising your verb (the word that implies action).

The other way to fix this problem would be to simply connect the fragment to a preceding sentence.

For example, let's say you (okay, somebody else. Denial has its uses.) wrote this:

Connie looks into mirrors a lot and looks at other people’s faces. Which tells her how she is doing.

You no doubt recognize that the second "sentence" is an imposter: a mere sentence fragment.

Here's a quick fix: Connie looks into mirrors a lot and looks at other people’s faces, which tells her how she is doing.

Notice that all it takes is a simple comma (also notice that what follows the comma is NOT a complete sentence, so we haven't created a dastardly comma splice, and so everyone sleeps well).


Anyway, I hope this helps. If you're still confused, just come see me or get in touch, okay? There's no need to feel like you're out there on your own with nowhere to turn. Help is available. :-) And my e-mail address is toll-free. Act now and you'll get free advice about plot summary (which means you tell me what happens instead of why such details are important for your thesis). Offer available for a limited time only (till December 12, 2009).

Next time: paragraphing and organizing your essay, perhaps a little on thesis statements and topic sentences too.

Till later,
GC