Last-minute thoughts about comparative analysis

I've got a little bit of a break from e-mails and other work, so I just wanted to share a few, brief thoughts about the comparative analysis essay that's due tomorrow for my English 1080 students.

First, in case there's any confusion, I'll repeat that the format of your essay should go something like this:

Paragraph #1: Introduction
Paragraph #2: Discuss Story A
Paragraph #3: Discuss Story B
Paragraph #4: Discuss Story A
Paragraph #5: Discuss Story B
Paragraph #6: Conclusion

Yes, you can have more than six paragraphs, if you choose.

Also, as I keep saying, it's NOT wrong to discuss both stories in the same paragraph. My point in suggesting a separation (one story per pargraph) is you need to give yourself time and space in which to fully explain your ideas. Sure, paragraphs #2 and #3 can go together, as can #4 and #5, but it's really not necessary. The problem most students have with comparative analysis is that they have so much to say that they wind up selling some of the discussion short. Remember: each paragraph should have topic sentence, evidence, and a full discussion of the evidence (which might even include reference to the other story, remarking how A and B are similar to each other). The main thing is not to let your paragraph get away from you. Yes, you can mention the other story, but don't let it take over your paragraph if you're supposed to be discussing Story A.

What should go in the Introductory Paragraph?

I would begin with a thesis statement that combines Story A and Story B, showing how they have one major, umbrella theme in common. The second sentence should be about Story A. The third sentence should be about Story B. The fourth sentence should combine A and B again, forming sort of secondary thesis statement, one that sums up what you're going to be proving in your essay.

Your essay should then follow through, paragraph by paragraph, on the main points you promised to discuss, according to your introductory paragraph.

Also, as I've already said in class:

1. No first drafts

2. Title pages are okay, but not necessary

3. Use a title of some kind.

4. Avoid using really long quotes. Use the parts you need, and make sure your quotation is done properly. Lead in to it, "just as I've said in class." (That was an example of a direct quote.)

5. Staple your pages.

6. Use 12-point Times New Roman font.


This might help some. Hope it does. For now, though, it's all I have time to write.

Gotta fetch my car from the garage. Life goes on.

Good luck on your papers, which are due at the beginning of class tomorrow.

GC

How (and Why) to Write a Thesis Statement

For those of you working on an English 1080 essay this coming weekend, I thought it might be useful to blog about thesis statements. Some of this I've written about before, but once again I've tweaked it to accomodate this particular course. I hope it helps.

The thesis statement is probably the most important part of any essay and appropriately so, but it’s also the part that most students find difficult.

I’ll try the Q & A format because it seems to clarify things a bit.

Q. Why is the thesis statement so important?

A. Because it’s your opening statement. You’re making your first impression. You’re laying the foundation for the rest of your essay. Everything that your essay entails should be clearly indicated in your thesis statement.

Q. Does a thesis statement have to be the first sentence?

A. It’s not an official rule or anything, and there are certainly other ways to go about it. But placing the thesis statement first in your essay gives a sense of immediacy and purpose to your essay. I have seen plenty of essays that were undermined by not placing the thesis statement first, but I have never see one that suffered by starting out with your strongest, clearest statement of intent. It just gives a sense of strength and cohesiveness to your argument. It’s all about effective writing anyway—not just “writing to get by” or “writing to be barely understood by.” It’s about being the best communicator your can be. And being a clear writer also makes you a clear thinker (though the opposite is not necessarily true.) So put your thesis statement first not because you have to, because you want to. It’s sort of why Entertainment Tonight always starts their show with those pictures of John and Kate or some female celebrity in a bikini or Britney baring her belly button (again): not because they have to but because it’s more effective. In a way, a photo of John and Kate is their thesis statement.

Q. I’ve always had the most trouble writing thesis statements; is it even possible to learn this so that it becomes easier?

A. Anything becomes easier with practice and thesis statements are no different. You have to train yourself and, after a while, it will become easier. It will always take some amount of work, but it is worth it in order to become a clear communicator.

Q. What goes into a good thesis statement?

A. Your thesis statement ought to be as comprehensive as possible. This takes work, and you’ll probably have to write it first, then revise it as you go. The best thesis statements are usually ones that have been revised even after the essay’s been written. The idea is that it has to encompass everything that your essay is about and sometimes you can’t really know everything that’s in your mind until you’ve written it. So it makes sense that you would go back to the beginning when you’ve written the end and check to ensure that you’ve written about everything exactly as you said you would. Thesis statements are made to be revised.

Q. Can you give me an example of a good thesis statement?

A. If you’re subject is “music” in the short story “Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?” by Joyce Carol Oates, then start by telling me what your focus is going to be.

e.g. In the short story “Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?” Joyce Carol Oates uses rock and roll to represent the protagonist’s, and American society’s, coming of age.

That would be short, simple, and directly to the point. My intention in such an essay would be to discuss in detail, with examples, how Oates uses music as a medium for Connie’s transition into the adult world. My next sentences ought to explain precisely how Oates does that. I would need to mention specifically who the protagonist is (Connie) and how music is a part of who she is, as well as how it defines her situation, as well as America in the Sixties, and suggest what I mean by “coming of age”.

Something like this would do: “Throughout the story, Connie listens to music as a way of tuning out the real world and tuning in to a world of her own imagination, as denoted by the dangerous Arnold Friend, who symbolizes the dire changes that are sweeping the country during that decade. American youth, as represented by Connie, is reaching for freedom that sometimes comes with a terrible price, and nothing represents that yearning for something more better than rock and roll.”

Or you could have phrased your thesis statement like this:

e.g. Music is a portal to both the freedom of the mind and its inherent dangers, as Joyce Carol Oates suggests in her short story “Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?”.

Notice that I manage to include the author and title of the story, just to make sure the reader knows at a glance which work and author I’m dealing with. She can decide to keep reading or search elsewhere for a more appropriate article based on what she reads in that one sentence.

Also, notice that the subject in your thesis statement is not music generally. You’re not writing an essay about music, American society, teenage girls, or serial killers. You’re discussing music as it is portrayed in this one short story, and so any statement that’s not about that story is a wasted statement.

Let’s try it again. Let’s say your subject is isolation in “Paul’s Case”. Well, what are you trying to say about isolation in that short story? I see a lot of essays that start with something like, “‘Paul’s Case’ presents a young boy, Paul, who is isolated.” To say that Cather’s story depicts isolation is not enough: your point is, What does Cather imply ABOUT isolation? The most important opinion here, really, is Cather’s. It’s crucial that you figure out what she is trying to say before you can pretend to have an opinion on her opinion. Make sense?

Try a thesis statement something like this:

As Willa Cather appears to suggest in her short story, "Paul's Case," isolation from one's friends, family, school, and church can have serious consequences on a person's attitudes and decisions. With a thesis statement like that, you leave yourself wide open to go and discuss just about anything you want. You'll focus on showing Paul as isolated, using evidence from the story to suggest distance and detachment, physically and emotionally, from friends, then family, then school, then church, and ultimately even from the world around him, as well as himself. You'll go further and show how it muddies his thinking and allows him to justify robbing his employer, spending the money on luxuries, and, ultimately, deciding to kill himself. You might even feel the need to suggest it was something other than isolation that spurred him on. But that's you're decision. You decide what to prove because you're the writer.

Q. Why isn't my opinion about the story important?

A. Certainly, you are being asked for your opinion on the story. This whole essay that you’re writing has you written all over it. Every word is yours—well-chosen, clear, purposeful, and coming from your head, through your fingers and onto the keyboard, screen, and paper. But first you have to get yourself out of the way. Look into the piece of literature and figure out the author’s agenda, whether it is subconscious or not. What is he or she implying by their well-chosen words? How are your opinions being shaped and manipulated by his or her choice of words?

In “Young Goodman Brown,” for example, Hawthorne’s opinions about religion or faith will not be the same as yours. Young Goodman Brown, for instance, dies a sad, gloomy death even though he still believes in God. You, on the other hand, might be faithfully religious and not agree with Hawthorne that faith can be such a terrible thing. But don’t get into morally judging the characters for this. Your goal is to understand the characters and explain why they act and speak as they do: for what purpose? What is Hawthorne trying to say by having them speak and act that way? That’s where your thesis statement will come from: in understanding the connection of the character you’re studying to all the other characters in that story. Or, if you’re comparing two short stories to each other, you also have to consider how one author’s agenda differs from the other author’s agenda. More on comparative analysis another time, hopefully by the end of the weekend.

It might seem like a lot to consider before you can write a solid thesis statement. But the fact is that critical thinking and writing requires you to show great understanding of the subject you’re studying. This is no different from science or history in that the idea is to thoroughly engage with your subject before you can possibly contribute anything to the study of it. It is only by pushing yourself in this way that you will become a better, clearer thinker and writer. Writing a good thesis statement is hard, but if you’re serious about being a good writer, it’s well worth it.

I do wonder, though, why anyone NOT want to be a better writer? The only answer I can think of is that it’s not something you’re used to doing and therefore you’re not so good at it. To me, that’s all the more reason for wanting to be good at it—so that you don’t get held back in life at any point. I don’t just mean academically, but in various other ways too. A clear thinker and writer ALWAYS gets more respect and has more self-respect, too. There’s no way around that. A poor communicator can cause a lot of damage in a society (I’m trying to ignore the urge here to point to George W. Bush as exhibit A) or even to a political party or other group (Stephen Harper's Conservatives being Exhibit B). On a large scale, wars take place and people get killed, or global warming becomes a political football because the scientists weren’t getting their message across to the politicians. Either the scientists weren’t communicating properly, or the politicians just couldn’t understand what they were saying. I suspect that the truth is somewhere in the middle. The results, however, can be devestating. Thank goodness the scientists finally came out a couple of years ago year with an official, unified statement—a thesis statement, you might call it, with which people can either agree or disagree. That's the point of a thesis statement really: say clearly what you mean to say so we can say clearly whether we agree with you or not.

On a smaller scale, though, poor communication can lead to people showing up at a store for a sale that doesn’t take place till next week or for a service that isn’t even offered. Or deadlines get missed, meetings are ineffective, and grants don’t get won. Whether an arts grant or a health care grant, or a wharf-building application, there are consequences for representing yourself poorly. Even (or maybe especially) personal relationships can suffer endlessly and sometimes permanently from an inability of at least one person to say what they really mean, instead of thinking that what they are saying is clear and unambiguous. A good communicator will have fewer bad marriages and fewer lost friendships. That’s real life.I could go on and on, and often have.

So: start with a clear, complete statement of what you are about to say in your essay. That way, no one can doubt your intentions.

GC

Getting Substance into Your Essay

By now, most of you in English 1080 are probably working on your new essays, the comparative analysis of two short stories. The two main concerns for many of you will be organizing your essay and getting some substance into your work. These issues are inextricably linked to each other because substance requires clarity of thought--the kind of clarity that comes from, and is shown in, clear organization. Most of the essays I grade early in a semester are lacking in detail and explication, and if you're looking to raise your grade, such substance is necessary. "A" papers have it, while all others have it to lesser degrees. "F" papers tend not to have much substance at all, or what is there is disguised, or buried, in poor expression or poor organization so that it's hard to find.

So how do you get this substance into your papers? A quality essay must not only be pretty squeaky clean grammatically, but it also has to express an original, engaging, thought on the subject. There are various ways of doing this, and I would never suggest that my way is the only way. But in the past couple of years, I've developed a way of showing students how to format such a paper.

It's the same one I wrote on the board a few days ago, which I just call the 1-2-3 method of analysis: Each paragraph of your essay ought to look something like this.

1. Make a statement.
2. Give evidence.
3. Discuss evidence.

1. Make a statement. This is your topic sentence or what I call "the label on the box." Think of the paragraph as a box in which you are going to pack certain things in order to organize. Organization, after all, is the key to clear expression. So if you clearly mark the box/paragraph, then there should be no doubt as to what it contains. I should be able to read your "label" (topic sentence) and know exactly what that box contains. When you look back over your essay, if you see a subject being discussed that does not belong with that label, then you need to put that statement or phrase in another box, or paragraph. If your paragraph turns out to be about something other than what you planned, you could even consider changing your topic sentence. The other alternative could be to re-write your entire paragraph. Either way, the label has to match the contents of the box, and vice-versa.

2. Give evidence. The evidence you use is simply the short quotes, details, choice words, SPECIFIC references to scenes and characters that you use to support your topic sentence. These will show your reader (me) that you are not just making broad or abstract claims; you actually have reasons for making the assertions you make, and here is the proof.

3. Discuss evidence. It's never enough just to show evidence and assume that I know why it's there. If I want to make my own connections, I will write my own paper. Your job is to show me why you think what you think about the book, story, poem (or whatever) you've read. So go back to your list of details or your quotes, look at the word choice used by the author and tell me why you think these words that you've chosen are appropriate evidence for what you're trying to prove or illustrate. If you've used a quote with at least several words in it, go back through the quote, pick out a few (or at least a couple) of key words and tell me why they help prove your point.

I'm not telling you this simply because it's right and other methods are wrong. I'm telling you this because, for most of you, it will give you a method for working. There is confidence in having a formula that works and if you get used to doing it this way, you will always have full, meaningful paragraphs that are full of analysis and substance. I'll be trying to blog about more of this kind of thing over the next few days and coming weeks. This is only a beginning (also see my earlier blog about sentence structure fixes).

If you have a more specific question, PLEASE leave a comment or see me in person and ask me to blog about a certain idea. That way, I can address your particular needs.

More to come soon.

GC

Tense shift, fragments, and comma splice--that's what some essays are made of.

Now that you've had a chance to get over the trauma of your first grade in English, after writing your first essays, I figured I should post some extra commentary that I hope you put to use for your next assignment.

I write a lot of commentary on these essays, and I truly hope you'll read them carefully and take the comments to heart. They are intended, not to punish you for what your current essay lacks, but to suggest how you can improve your writing technique for future essays (for both English and other courses, and life in general). The next one is due on October 28, and the time will go fast.

A lot of you in English 1080 are having problem with sentence structure, including comma splice, sentence fragment, and tense shift. Below, I've posted some suggestions about how to recognize these problems and how to fix them. I hope it helps.

First of all, I don't make these things up. Sentence fragment, tense shift, and comma splice are real words and have real consequences for your writing. You should have learned about them in high school English, but either no one showed you or the lesson just didn't take. Or maybe in the time since you last wrote an essay, you forgot how to do it. That's all understandable, but what can we do about it?

First, you might notice that I used some abbreviations on your essays:

1. "T.S." means tense shift.
2. "C.S." means comma splice.
3. "S.F." means sentence fragment.

Here's what those terms mean:

1. Tense shift just means that you're switching from speaking in the present voice to speaking in the past voice. You're using "was" when you should be using "is". You're ending words in an "-ed" suffix instead of ending them in "-es" or just "s". Just be consistent. Somtimes, it's fine to use past tense, but most of the time you should consistently use the present tense when talking about fiction, as if the action were happening right now as you read it.

So if you said something like "Elisa worked in her garden most of the time," it should read: "Elisa works in her garden most of the time."

2. Comma splice means that you're joining (i.e. "splicing") together two sentences using a humble comma. The comma wasn't intended for such heavy labor. It's like using a screwdriver as a chisel. You can do it, but eventually there will be breakage. Your sentences get too long and, usually, tough to follow.

Here's how to recognize a comma splice: read what you've written on both sides of the comma; if both sides read like a complete sentence, then you've used a comma splice, which is a major grammatical error, not to mention confusing. See, a comma tells you to pause. But periods, for the sake of clarity, require you to stop. (See what I mean there in that last sentence?)
So how do you fix a comma splice, supposing you should see one?

1. Use a period and make two separate sentences.

2. Or use a semi-colon, which is designed to join/separate two complete sentences that are related to each other in thought/theme.

3. Or use a co-ordinating conjunction (e.g. “but,” “however,” “and,” “because,” and so on) and (sometimes) use a comma with it. That's probably the easiest and most common fix. You'll have to get used to recognizing comma splices in your sentences.

That's the only way to eradicate the problem from your writing: practice. After a while, it will become natural. I've seen it happen for thousands of students in a matter of weeks and it can happen for you. Depends on how bad you want it.

Here's an example of a comma splice:

Comma Splice: Henry leans over the fence, he startles his wife.

Fix: Henry leans over the fence. He startles his wife.
Fix: Henry leans over the fence; he startles his wife.
Fix: Henry leans over the fence, but he startles his wife.
Fix: Henry leans over the fence and startles his wife.
Fix: When Henry leans over the fence, he startles his wife.


3. Sentence Fragment just means that what you've said (and obviously think is a full sentence because it starts with a capital letter and ends in a period after a string of seemingly meaningful words) is not a complete sentence. It's a fragment of a sentence, a mere piece of one: a pretend sentence in disguise, and it's up to you to start recognizing its covert behaviour. It shouldn't be hanging out with the other sentences because, well, it just isn't one and it should just solve the problem by BECOMING one. Their main offense is that they just don't make sense on their own, sort of like Nick Lachey. That's how you fix a sentence fragment: either make it a full sentence by itself OR join it to the preceding clause. That's right: if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Here's an example of a sentence fragment.

Sentence fragment: Arnold Friend, standing outside her door, asking if he can come in, which Connie refuses.

Looks, smells, sounds, and feels like a sentence, doesn't it? And yet, on closer look, it isn't quite complete. It needs something else, doesn't it? The sentence lacks context.

So the fix is in:

Arnold Friend is standing outside her door, asking if he can come in, which Connie refuses.

Or:

Arnold Friend stands outside her door, asking if he can come in, but Connie refuses.

See the difference a simple verb can make? I just added the word "is" or change “standing” to “stands” and now it all makes sense because we can (sort of) see them doing what we've implied they are doing. Fixing sentence fragments is usually just a matter of revising your verb (the word that implies action).

The other way to fix this problem would be to simply connect the fragment to a preceding sentence.

For example, let's say you (okay, somebody else. Denial has its uses.) wrote this:

Connie looks into mirrors a lot and looks at other people’s faces. Which tells her how she is doing.

You no doubt recognize that the second "sentence" is an imposter: a mere sentence fragment.

Here's a quick fix: Connie looks into mirrors a lot and looks at other people’s faces, which tells her how she is doing.

Notice that all it takes is a simple comma (also notice that what follows the comma is NOT a complete sentence, so we haven't created a dastardly comma splice, and so everyone sleeps well).


Anyway, I hope this helps. If you're still confused, just come see me or get in touch, okay? There's no need to feel like you're out there on your own with nowhere to turn. Help is available. :-) And my e-mail address is toll-free. Act now and you'll get free advice about plot summary (which means you tell me what happens instead of why such details are important for your thesis). Offer available for a limited time only (till December 12, 2009).

Next time: paragraphing and organizing your essay, perhaps a little on thesis statements and topic sentences too.

Till later,
GC

Hope you're enjoying Thanksgiving weekend. It's been a rainy, cold one here in St. John's, but it's sure nice to have a couple of days off from classes and grading essays.

I returned the marked essays in my English 1080 classes on Wednesday, so I imagine the shock has had a chance to settle in for most. As always, some people did way better than they expected, partly because expectations for first-time essays is generally low. Others certainly performed worse than they are used to, but most of the students who've contacted me are pretty realistic about it and know they just have some work to do. The most important thing, for me, is for you to know that grades almost always go up as the semester goes on. Of course, that depends on you--grades don't go up if you don't put in the work and pay attention to what I'm trying to teach you. That's just a natural law.

These weren't the best essays I've ever graded, but they were far from the worst. In fact, I was very encouraged, hoping to see an above-average number of A's and high B's this time around. The average number of A's, for what it's worth is anywhere from 1 to 3. But in any given semester there might be 4, 5, or 6. It really depends on the class itself. If I had 30 students in a class who deserved an A, I would have no trouble allotting them. That's just so you know. I have no expectations except that you will listen, work hard, and reap the benefits. And there's less than two months before the semester is over on December 4th. Now that's something to think about.

I told you I'd post the list of abbreviations I used (though I did explain them on the essays as well):

sp. means "spelling mistake"
t.s. means "tense shift"
c.s. means "comma splice"
s.f. means "sentence fragment"

Later, I'll post an explanation of what these terms actually mean and show you how you can fix them.

Other than that, I want to reinforce that I'm truly trying to teach you how to be better writers and thinkers. It's not about grades for me. You're at MUN to receive an education, and I want you to be able to look back on your three months in my class and say you learned something. If you can have some fun doing it or enjoy classes, that's bonus. To me, that's all a part of a good learning environment. But if you can learn something that will make you a better writer and perhaps help you see the world around you a little more clearly, then I've done something useful, and so have you. So let's work on it together. "The hour," as Dylan says, "is getting late." It always is.

That's all for now. It's Saturday night, and I'm going to get some fiction writing done before I settle in to watch some Leafs-Penguins action.

Happy Thanksgiving. Hope you've got a lot to be thankful for right now in your life and that you're the kind of person who is capable of being grateful for what you've got.

Talk to you again soon.

GC