Quick Fixes for Sentence Structure problems (or Welcome to the Jungle)

One of the hardest parts of this job is giving out relatively low grades to people who had greater expectations. I hate being a dream-killer and the bad guy, but it's a role I'm willing to play if I think it will help someone.

I passed back essays today to my Tenners (ten o'clock class) and they weren't too pleased with me on the whole, at least from what I can tell. While I do feel bad about that (more than you can imagine), I figure the best thing I can do is offer some advice. The next couple of bloggings from me will involve how to fix some of the major problems that almost everyone had on these essays. I don't make these things up. Sentence fragment, tense shift, and comma splice are real words and have real consequences for your writing. You should have learned about them in English 1080, but either no one showed you or the lesson just didn't take. Or maybe in the couple of months since you last wrote an essay, you forgot how to do it. That's all understandable, but what can we do about it?

First, you might notice that I used some abbreviations on your essays:

1. "T.S." means "tense shift.
2. "C.S." means comma splice.
3. "S.F." means "sentence fragment" (probably not what you were thinking SF could stand for).

1. Tense shift just means that you're switching from speaking in the present voice to speaking in the past voice. You're using "was" when you should be using "is". You're ending words in an "-ed" suffix instead of ending them in "-es" or just "s". Just be consistent. Somtimes, it's fine to use past tense, but most of the time you should consistently use the present tense when talking about fiction, as if the action were happening right now as you read it.

So if you said something like "Utterson found Jekyll in his laboratory," it should read: "Utterson finds Jekyll in his laboratory." If anyone has a specific comment or question about this, just post it here or come see me in person. Or e-mail me.

2. Comma splice means that you're joining (i.e. "splicing") together two sentences using a humble comma. The comma wasn't intended for such heavy labor. It's like using a screwdriver as a chisel. You can do it, but eventually there will be breakage.

Here's how to recognize a comma splice: read what you've written on both sides of the comma; if both sides read like a complete sentence, then you've used a comma splice, which is a major grammatical error, not to mention confusing. See, a comma tells you to pause. But sentences, for the sake of clarity, require you to stop. (See what I mean there in that last sentence?)

So how do you fix a comma splice, supposing you should see one?

1. Use a period and make two separate sentences.
2. Or use a semi-colon, which is designed to join/separate two complete sentences that are related to each other in thought/theme.
3. Or use a conjunction (e.g. but, however, and, because, and so on) and use a comma with it. That's probably the easiest and most common fix.

You'll have to get used to recognizing comma splices in your sentences. That's the only way to eradicate the problem from your writing: practice. After a while, it will become natural. I've seen it happen for thousands of students and it can happen for you. Depends on how bad you want it.

Here's an example of a comma splice:

Comma Splice: Utterson rushes to the lab with Poole, they debate over what to do.

Fix: Utterson rushes to the lab with Poole; they debate over what to do.

Fix: Utterson rushes to the lab with Poole. They debate over what to do.

Fix: Utterson rushes to the lab with Poole, and they debate over what to do.

Fix: When Utterson and Poole reach the lab, they debate over what to do.



3. Sentence Fragment just means that what you've said (and obviously think is a full sentence because it starts with a capital letter and ends in a period after a string of seemingly meaninful words) is not a complete sentence. That is, it's a fragment of a sentence, a mere piece of one: a pretend sentence in disguise, and it's up to you to start recognizing its covert behaviour. It shouldn't be hanging out with the other sentences because, well, it just isn't one and it should just solve the problem by BECOMING one. Their main offense is that they just don't make sense on their own, sort of like Nick Lachey.

That's how you fix a sentence fragment: either make it a full sentence by itself OR join it to the preceding clause. That's right: if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Here's an example of a sentence fragment.

Sentence fragment: Enfield and Utterson on one of their regular walks, talking to each other as they go, and they come to a door, which they discuss.

Looks, smells, sounds, and feels like a sentence, doesn't it? And yet, on closer look, it isn't quite complete. It needs something else, doesn't it? The sentence lacks context.

So the fix is in:

Enfield and Utterson are on one of their regular walks, talking to each other as they go, and they come to a door, which they discuss.

See the difference a simple verb can make? I just added the word "are" and now it all makes sense because we can (sort of) see them doing what we've implied they are doing.

The other way to fix this would be to simply connect this fragment to a preceding sentence. For example, let's say you (okay, somebody else. Denial has its uses.) wrote this:

Utterson recognizes the cane as one he has given Jekyll. The very one used in the murder of Danvers Carew.

You no doubt recognize that the second "sentence" is an imposter: a mere sentence fragment. Here's a quick fix: Utterson recognizes the cane as one he has given Jekyll, the very one used in the murder of Danvers Carew.

Notice that all it takes is a simple comma (also notice that what follows the comma is NOT a complete sentence, so we haven't created a dastardly comma splice, and so everyone sleeps well).

Anyway, I hope this helps. If you're still confused, just come see me or get in touch, okay? There's no need to feel like you're out there on your own with nowhere to turn. Help is available. :-) And my e-mail address is toll free. Act now and you'll get free advice about plot summary. Offer available for a limited time only (till April 30, 2007).

This has been a long and tortuous blog. Must. Have. Rest.

I've gone from Guns 'N Roses to Sarah McLachlan on my mp3 player while I write this. It's time for a break.

Till later,

GC