Here's a sample essay from English 1080, written for an in-class assignment. Keep in mind that this essay is a near-exact replica of the original and is intended to show you how such an essay might be done. It's not a perfect example of how to write an out-of-class essay, as you would have more time to organize, enrich, and perfect your work in a takeaway assignment.
Mostly, you should note the usual things:
1. How each paragraph, for the most part, exhibits an organized pattern of a statement (topic sentence), evidence, and discussion of evidence.
2. Notice how ideas are fully discussed and multiple connections are made to the original idea or example. This student's topic sentences are exemplary, and she follows through on her ideas, not just resting with the easy, simple statement. This essay discusses nearly every significant topic it's possible to mention in a short essay.
3. Of course, notice the near-perfect expression, devoid of most grammar and punctuation errors.
4. The method of quotation is exemplary as well. Many of you have problems with the "hanging quote," which means you aren't setting your quotes up properly. This essay will give you an idea of how to do that.
4. I've tweaked a few things so as not to deceive you, but this is pretty much the same essay that was composed in a 50-minute period by the student who so graciously allowed me to reproduce her work here for the benefit of you all.
These ideas are copyrighted by the original author. Do not replicate the word choice or original ideas in your own essay. The idea is for you to learn from how this student approaches an essay, not to steal from her. Please get ideas of your own.
Colour coding:
Thesis statement
Topic sentence
Sample essay for English 1080:
In John Steinbeck's "The Chrysanthemums," Elisa Allen signifies the idea that it is only through revealing ourselves to another person that we can truly feel, and subsequently, grow. Steinbeck explores this notion of human nature though the symbolism of Elisa's clothing, her garden, and ultimately her environment, portraying a young woman whose self-imposed walls present her from experiencing the true essence of what it means to be human. Through this symbolism, Steinbeck reveals that it is only when these walls come down that we can live and grow as humans, regardless of how painful that experience might be.
At the beginning of "The Chrysanthemums," Elisa is a prisoner of her own need for protection. She has shielded herself from her world so that she does not have to be vulnerable to its experiences. Elisa's walls are symbolized by her clothing. Steinbeck desribes her as being "blocked and heavy," wearing thick gloves to protect her hands and a man's hat that shields her "clear eyes". These articles prevent her from being present in her environment, even when she is doing what she loves best, working in her garden. Although Elisa loves her flowers, she does not allow herself to truly feel this joy, as symbolized by the thick gloves she wears so that her fingers will never truly touch that which she so adores. Elisa's flowers, and therefore happiness, are also kept behind walls. Her garden is enclosed by a wire fence behind which only Elisa enters. Even her husband, Henry, only "leans over the wire fence." Elisa does not let anyone into her life. She keeps people out with her high fences and keeps feeling out with her thick gloves. [Prof's note: some repetition here.] Like her environment, Elisa is guarded by a "thick flannel fog." But as Steinbeck suggests, what Elisa needs is growth, feeling, and change. This concept is symbolized by rain, a rain which would enable growth and, ultimately, life. But Steinbeck tells us that "fog and rain do not go together." While Elisa is still guarded by her heavy walls (her own "fog") she will never truly be able to experience life through feeling and growth, a "rain" which she so desperately needs.
When the tinker comes into Elisa's life, she begins to reveal herself to another person for the first time. As soon as she meets him, Elisa and the tinker immediately begin to laugh and joke a bit. As they continue to speak, Elisa "removes her gloves." This action is of great significance. It is Elisa's means of talking down one of the walls she has put up around herslf; she is allowing herself to be exposed, not only visually, but to the elements, to all the feelings, and sensations of life. As Elisa and the tinker talk further, he experiecnes interest in her life's work -- her chrysanthemums. Elisa has never let anyone into this world of hers before [Prof's note: we don't know for sure about the "never" part.]; before the joy she has found in her garden has usually been private. But Elisa is thrilled that someone should take interest in her joy like that, and she lets the tinker into her garden. This [trustful] act symbolizes Elisa letting someone into her life. Like the reomval of her gloves, by letting the tinker into her garden, Elisa is exposing herself. [Prof's note: some repetion here again.] She is revealing herself to the tinker in an intimate way, a way that she has never done before. Once she does this, Elisa throws herself into her garden with a new passion. As Steinbeck tells us, "The gloves were forgotten," meaning that Elisa no longer wants a protective "fog" to keep her from feeling her life. Instead, now she touches the earth, she feels the buds and the stems of her flowers. Elisa removes her hat, further revealing herself to the tinker and subsequently feeling her environment and, thus, her joy.
As Elisa and the tinker talk further, we see that Elisa wants to feel. She describes her pleasure in view the stars. They are "hot and sharp--and lovely," Elisa says. She wants so desperately to feel her life, she wants so desperately to be able to grow. But in the heaviness and monotony of her life, shielded by her clothing and her garden fence, she has been unable to do that. That is, at least until someone finally comes into Elisa's life and she is able to let that person into herself. One must note that it is not the tinker, per se, who allows Elisa to transition as she does, but rather Elisa herself. Elisa is the one who removes her own barriers, who lets someone else into her life. The tinker is merely a catalyst to allow Elisa to do so.
At the end of the story, although it may seems as if Elisa is broken, in reality she has actually truly grown. As Elisa and her husband leave for dinner, she sees that the tinker has thrown her chrysanthemums onto the side of the road. This is a painful experience for her--she realizes that she has been exploited, in a way. She has let someone into the most personal aspects of her life and soul, has given him a piece of herself (quite literally) and the tinker has merely discarded it. Up until this moment, allowing herself to feel has only been positive for Elisa. But now she realizes that to truly experience life, one must feel pain as well. This is difficult for Elisa. She wants to revert back to her "fog" of not feeling; she wants to take away the pain by putting up her barriers again. We see this when she asks Henry if they can have "wine with dinner." Elisa wants to dull her sense; she doesn't want to be subject to the pain and hurt. But Elisa cannot turn back now. At the end of the story, Elisa is "crying weakly, like an old woman." Her symbolic "rain" has come. No longer is she shielded by the "fog" of her walls; instead, she is open to feeling; she is open to the groth that the "rain" implies. Steinbeck is not saying that this feeling and growth is always pleasant, but he is making a comment that to feel life, even in all its pain, is far better than to not live at all, as Elisa has beforehand. Because Elisa now has the capacity to cry, we know that Elisa has grown. [Prof's note: What about the word "enough" that she uses? How does that fit in?]
Steinbeck's "The Chrysanthemums" makes a fascinating and beautiful comment on the meaning of life. Through one brief moment in the life of a protagonist, he argues that to feel is the essence of the human experience, even when feeling is painful. He argues that the only way we can truly live and grow as humans is to feel in this way, and the only way to feel is to let another into one's life. Although the tinker ultimately hurts Elisa, if she had not let him into her world and revealed herself to him, she would never have felt anything in the first place -- not the hurt of his betrayal or the joy of his interest in her. A positive growth does not always mean a happy ending, and in "The Chrysanthemums," Steinbeck shows us just that.
Prof's note: And that, dear students, is how you write an "A" paper.
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